One Spring Day

I still remember, that day of August of the bleakest year in my memory. I met You.  Simple, mysterious, interesting and philosophical – my first impressions – the same impressions that stayed with me throughout our courtship.  Masculine, ambitious yet the insecurities could not help but surfaced at times. I was broken, You were broken,…

Just like that, my torch dimmed then ceased to shine, as suddenly and abruptly as how it came into my life; During those darkest time.

This year, I spent a significant part of Thanksgiving day roaming around the muddy terrain of a state park, a bit of a drive from home. While people were gathering with families and friends; I was learning to embrace solitude. Apparently it’s part of growth and a sign of confidence, or so I read. Along…

Never ever since I met my ex husband some twenty years ago had I thought I would be single again. Impossible. Kinda like telling me that I just got a lottery seat on a flight to the Moon. Not that I care for space travel. But, little did I know, it is entirely possible for…

So, the day has come. I can’t believe that it’s been one year since that faithful day. The day when I thought I lost everything. The day that not only changed my life but also the lives of my beloved ones. I have been preparing for Today since couple of weeks ago.Everything came back to…

I hope one day you and R will get to experience the pain of betrayal.

People come into your life for a reason. Or so they said. And you? Why? To bring me joy and happiness? and maybe Love? To be present and help me feel alive? To help me heal? To give me hopes? To help me find what I had been looking for and then gave up? To…

People come into your life for a reason. Or so they said. What is the reason for you? To help me through my lonely life? To create the most beautiful creatures who call me Mom? To be my best friend and lifelong companion? To be my Home? To be the best decision I ever made?…

Life is truly amazing. The second you think your life is at its fullest, happiest, richest or the most content – it changes. Your life gets turn upside down. You get pushed around. You are forced to leave your comfort zone. Your heart gets stuffed into a dark blackbox. Your soul get crushed and stepped…

It’s been almost 7 months since that faithful day, when you confessed your love for her, to me. It’s been almost 6 months since the day that you told me you did not want to salvage this marriage. It’s been 5 months since the day we separated. It’s been that long since the kids started…

Same with most nights ever since I became single again, I was hanging on on the couch with my Mom when my Dad came downstairs, went to the couch, gently rub my Mom’s hair and asked her “You want your milk yet?”. I don’t know when it started, but he asks her this every night.…

I have decided. That I will live for me, and the people who love me. I have decided. That the people who are worth it, will always find me worth their while. I have decided. That no matter how low you push me, I will aways stand strong, firm and proud. Like that of the…

I have this habit, where I associate my favorite songs with a person, a place, an image of my future… For the longest time, when “Over the Valley” came on, I always thought this song was for us. For the long future ahead of us. For the days we were young, until the day we…

Just so you know. You are a pretty shitty person if. Your partner was with you during your lowest point in your life. Yet once you get to the top you ditch them for shiner hotter sexier thing… Just so you know.

These past few weeks have been quite interesting. I am again back into the Single and Available status, something I never thought would be the case just a few months ago. I finally have the chance to enjoy being by myself with so many things to explore and discover: ⁃ It is so nice to…

I have been thinking about the correlation between my marriage and my impending divorce. People get married for many reasons. For love, for money, for infatuation, for pregnancy, for business arrangement and even for conveniences. Love may just be an excuse for any of those reasons. I have come to realize. In general I’m a…

06/17/2023 Dear R., I miss You today. Today marks 2 months since the day he told me he loves you. I miss You today. I miss the You-before-Him. I miss the time we had. I miss the chat we shared. I miss the secrets we confided in one another. I miss our good times, I…

06/18/2023 Dear Zii, As I mentioned recently, I have good days and bad days. Lately, more good than bad. That is a good thing – for both me and you. It’s a good thing for you as you can carry on your life with less guilt and more happiness. It’s a good thing for me…

Fear makes you braver Pain makes you stronger Heartbreak makes you wiser And for that I am eternally grateful.

“He who stands on tiptoe doesn’t stand firm. He who rushes ahead doesn’t go far. He who tries to shine dims his own light. He who defines himself can’t know who he really is. He who has power over others can’t empower himself He who clings to his work will create nothing that endures. If…

Perhaps someday – or perhaps never – you can understand the number of precious things you left behind. When you closed that door behind you, the last and only thing you saw was just ME and our long-jaded marriage. Little did you know… You left behind the utmost respect everyone had for you. My friends,…

It was an extremely difficult Month 1. I was at the rock bottom. Cried a lot, slept a little, cried a lot, eat a few bites, slept a bit. Rinse and repeat. Travelled across the globe. Cried in the middle of a random subway station. Cried sitting in the beautiful garden of a tranquil guest…

Amongst the millions of questions that have been running through my head the past 6 weeks, the one I was most desperately looking for answer is “What is the quickest way to Fall out of Love?” Everywhere I looked I saw the same old answer: Give it time. Time will heal. That I know. I…

Think about Us; think about You Think about that time when I knew I had fallen for You Under that porch you stood In the hazy dusk I could feel your mood Your head droopy; your shoulders small The suit and tie didn’t help you at all You had hopes when you got in my…

Such is the image of Him. Of the man who was the love of my life for 19 years, my husband of 17yrs4mos and the father of my 2 beautiful kids. Such is the image of him weeping on 04/30/23 over losing the chance to be with the person he loves so much, my best…

“You cannot say why you Loved someone. Only that you did. Only that you don’t anymore” But Me. I do remember why I loved you. That doesn’t mean I still love you, at least that is what I hope. It just means that I am still somewhat living in the past, while I need to…

“The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies, it comes from those you trust the most”

Today marks the beginning of the End of my 17 years marriage: – We sent off our respective paperwork to the Mediator. – My Spouse signed the Divorce Petition. – We set an official date for Separation 06/05/23. Today marks the End of my illusion about this marriage: – It marks the “death” of a…

In the very beginning of this journey, My husband gave me hope that this marriage was still salvageable. In an attempt to heal and distract myself from the immense pain and heartbreak, I learned to focus on small things around me. One of those were the plants I had around the house. I downloaded an…

Since my husband announced that he wanted a divorce, I have read maybe 10 different books, countless articles and listened to numerous podcasts about divorce and relationship. I want to learn to cope, to heal and to get through this difficult path. The one thing common in everything I read is that: Divorce is hard.…

This piece of paper turned up when I was cleaning out my stuff and moving them downstairs, to the bedroom I would call home in the next few months. This was the menu for our Engagement dinner 18 years ago. We got married a year later, in January 2006. I did not remember keeping this.…

I experienced my second blizzard on a beautiful Spring day, 04/17/2023 to be exact. It was a beautiful day with blue sky and cool breeze in the air. I remembered it clearly because at that point my husband had not talked to me for 2 days. The first of such event. I remembered it clearly…

The first blizzard I experienced was on our family trip to Iceland in December 2022. Little did I know, this would be our last family trip together. We were driving back to Reykjavik from the south coast after visiting some Glacier. We were supposed to make it to Reykjavik that day and spend another day…

Today I found out I broke my foot from rock climbing. I tried rock climbing not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to find something new to do during the process of healing. Wise people say to find a new hobby. I had high hope that this hobby would relieve me from the…

This year has been the worst year yet of mine, according to my 10 years old. A month ago, on 04/17/2023, I realized my 17 years of marriage were falling apart, as my husband admitted that he fell in love with my best friend and that he wanted to be with her. Last week, on…