Today I found out I broke my foot from rock climbing. I tried rock climbing not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to find something new to do during the process of healing. Wise people say to find a new hobby. I had high hope that this hobby would relieve me from the constant pain I’ve been feeling the past months or so. That it would be a healthy distraction for my mind and my heart.
Hell, I was wrong. I broke my foot. The first time ever I broke a bone in my body.
What is wrong with me? Everything is falling apart, emotionally and physically.
When I fell down from that rock last night and landed on my foot. I knew something was wrong. It couldn’t be just an ankle sprain because it was more painful than I remember how an ankle sprain would. But then I thought, I was just being dramatic. I walked to the car with the help of my boy, limping. I made it to the car by telling myself, there was no pain I couldn’t take given what I had been through this past month.
I went home and bursted out laughing when I saw my (impending ex) husband waiting for us on the door steps. All these years together, I never had any issues that made me feel helpless in front of him. And now that I’m in the process of detaching myself from this man, things keep happening to me in a way that forces me to be close to him. How funny is that!?
But I resisted.
I resisted his invite to stay in our old bed room on the main floor. I resisted his offer to help me in the house. I resisted his attempt to hold on to me when I walked downstairs. Painful as it was, I resisted.
This morning, when I tried to climb upstairs to go to Urgent Care, I was laughing and crying at the same time. Like a maniac, I dragged myself out of the room with the use of a stepping stool and an umbrella. Then I climbed the stair using by buttocks, the same way my kids learned to climb stairs. I was surprised by how clever and resourceful I was. I was very proud of myself, even thought my butt was hurting in additional to my left foot.
When I got the the Urgent Care, the closest parking spot still seemed like an ocean away from the entrance. I parked and limped by way through the parking lot. Half way through, a young gentleman stopped his car and asked if I needed help. He offered to get me a wheel chair, reluctantly I accepted.
When he rolled the wheelchair up to me, my tears started falling down uncontrollably. I thanked him and told him “I’m sorry I’m going through a divorce and this is the first time I’m doing this by myself”. For a second I felt pathetic for sharing something so personal to a complete stranger. But when he said “I’m so sorry to hear that”, I realized that’s what I needed. I need to feel the care, the comfort, I need to know that there are still people with kindness and empathy around me. And I need to know that even with the Divorce, I am not alone in this world.
After Urgent Care, I was determined to make another “my first”. So I went to a restaurant with my crutches. I almost fell on my butt, and was rescued by the old gentleman who was right behind me.
After restaurant, when I was struggling to open the car door a young man saw and asked if I needed any help. I said yes, he opened the door for me, waited until I got my crutches and bags in before he closed the door for me.
It’s the worst of Day, it’s the best of Day. This Day started out with Pain but ended with Hope from the random kindness that are all around me.
And Hope is what I need. Hope is what we all need.
I shared my day with my boys. I hope they could be that random stranger one day, and offer random act of kindness that could give more meaning to others than they could ever imagine.
One Spring Day 